Iron Chef Thanksgiving… IT’S ON!

Posted on November 22, 2011 by But That's For Another Blog

Me: I wish you would be more excited about going to my parents’ cabin for Thanksgiving.

Hubby: Your parents’ cabin, that’s out in the boonies with no TV and minimal cell coverage… ya I’m really excited.

Me: But it will be fun!  We’ll be cooking a big dinner and we’ll play games and have some good old fashioned family fun!

Hubby: Translation you and your mother will stay in the kitchen the entire time drinking wine, while your father and I play cards from a safe distance, making sure neither of you accidently sets yourself on fire…

Me: That only happened once!

Hubby: … as I was saying, while your father and I play poker where at some point he will declare I’m cheating and possibly shoot me with his rifle.

Me: … wow… dramatic much?

Hubby:  Honey, all of these things have happened, at one point or another, in the past.

Me: He didn’t shoot you with his rifle!

Hubby: No, he just told me he had a rifle and 20 acres to hide the body.

Me: Oh my God! We were dating at the time! He was just protecting his baby girl and I’m pretty sure he was joking. 

Hubby: … ya.

Me: Okay how about this year you cook too, in fact let’s have a side dish off!

Hubby: a what?

Me: A side dish cook off!  Each of us will create a side dish and then they will be judged, the winner will be announced and then given a pie!

Hubby: a pie.

Me: A huckleberry cheesecake pie.

Hubby: I’m in.

Me: YAY! This will be so much fun!

Hubby: Wait, who’s judging?

Me: Dad will.

Hubby: NO! No way! He’ll choose your dish no matter how bad it is.

Me: Dude, I’m an awesome cook and no he wont. You don’t know my dad when it comes to cook offs.  He takes them REALLY seriously. Remember a couple years ago I gave him the Iron Chef hat and matching apron for Christmas? Mom says those are his prized possessions and sometimes when she’s cooking he’ll walk around the kitchen shouting “Scoozy! What is the chef currenly cooking!?”.

Hubby: … ya this is gonna be an interesting Thanksgiving. Okay he can judge, but I’m bringing him a 12 year old scotch.

Me: That’s cheating!

Hubby: Ah, what’s the matter honey? Afraid scotch is thicker then blood.

Me: … oh it’s on.

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Oh Karma, You Sneaky Bitch

Posted on November 17, 2011 by But That's For Another Blog

So per my last post I asked the age-old question, are you a bad person for laughing at your friends misfortune?  I know that sounds mean but, COME ON, how would you respond if a friend tells you they were just taken out by a huge wave of water from a passing bus?

Many of you were awesome enough to reply, no I’m not a bad person for laughing at my dear friend Tif.  HOWEVER, Karma got her word in today… and it wasn’t nice.

I was walking into work when I suddenly slipped on something.  I was able to catch myself before I falling on my ass, but it was not a pretty recovery… especially since I was in a dress. 

I would like to think that my recovery looked like this:

But I’m pretty sure it looked more like this:

I’m certain that I looked like the above picture because she and I slipped on the same thing… ya… a banana peel.  Some sick twisted bastard had left a banana peel on the sidewalk and I had slipped on it.

I was quickly booking it to work, as I was afraid a falling anvil my be my next curse, when I received a text from Tif.

Tif: I am currently blocked in my driveway by a recycling truck. Today’s going to be awesome.

Me: DUDE! I slipped on a banana peel!!!

Tif: …

Me: Commence laughing

Tif: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Oh Karma, you are a sneaky bitch.

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Does laughing mean I’m a horrible friend?

Posted on November 16, 2011 by But That's For Another Blog

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Obviously the door was on Hubby’s side.

Posted on November 15, 2011 by But That's For Another Blog

Hubby and I were having a “discussion” last night that got a little heated and ended with me having a mild concussion.

It started with us discussing my ongoing campaign to get a puppy.

Hubby: We’re not ready for a puppy.

Me: We’re totally ready for Hello!

Hubby: What’s Hello?

Me: Our puppy.

Hubby: We’re not calling the puppy Hello.

Me: Think about it!  When ever he’s running around and we want him to come back we just yell “HELLO” “HEY HELLO” “HELLO, HELLO, HELLO”! People will think we’re really friendly.

Hubby: Ya, we’re not calling the puppy Hello.  How about Skippy?

Me: Skippy?

Hubby: or Jiffy

Me: Jiffy?

Hubby: okay, how about Tom’s Original.

Me: … We’re not naming our puppy after brands of peanut butter!!

Hubby: Why not, it’s not as bad as Hello?… I’m hungry, do you want a PB&J?

Me: GOD! You’re not even taking this seriously!!

Hubby: Ha, cause Hello was so serious.

Me: You’re impossible, I’m not talking to you anymore!

I then got up, stomped to the bedroom, and slammed the door behind me… or at least I tried.  I had forgotten the pull up bar was still attached to the frame of the door.  The door bounced off the bar and swung back open… right into my face.

I lay on my bedroom floor staring up at the ceiling fan and that stupid pull up bar.

Hubby: … you okay…

Me: … ya…

Hubby: okay… HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

Me: I hate you.

Hubby: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

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Creative writing… it’s a bitch.

Posted on November 14, 2011 by But That's For Another Blog

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And then Captain Mal shot Tif

Posted on November 10, 2011 by But That's For Another Blog

Tif ‎‎ [9:10 AM]:
Is that scanner behind you super heavy?

 Mona‎‎ [9:11 AM]:
… define super
OH GOD OH GOD There goes my back!
HA HA HA HA HA
get it…  ?
Get It… ?
GET IT… ?

Tif [9:12 AM]:
I have no idea what you’re talking about

Mona‎‎ [9:12 AM]:
Define Interesting!
OH GOD OH GOD We’re all gonna die!!!
WAS THAT THE PRIMARY BUFFER PANEL!?!?!?
SERENITY!!!
GREATEST MOVIE EVER MADE!!!!
…
Seriously, how are we even friends?

Tif [9:13 AM]:
My words fail me
…

Mona‎‎ [9:14 AM]:
You fail yourself
BAM!

Tif [9:14 AM]:
Dammit

Mona‎‎ [9:14 AM]:
Sorry, I’m out of creamer and taking it out on the world.

Tif ‎‎ [9:14 AM]:
ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh… it all makes sense now
Does the little store downstairs sell it?
WAIT … back to my original question! How Heavey is that Damn Scanner!!!!

Mona‎‎ [9:15 AM]:
Ha ha ha ha!
Distracting you is fun… and easy

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Awesomest Website EVER!

Posted on November 9, 2011 by But That's For Another Blog

I’m a nerd, and if you deem yourself awesome enough to also fly the nerd flag, then I have the AWESOMEST website for you. 

ShirtPunch

Yes, it’s as awesome as it sounds.

But what is it you ask?  Below is their own simple answer:
“It’s simple; ShirtPunch is your home for limited edition, pop culture tees… but there’s a twist! We only offer one shirt every 24-hours, and they’re always only $10”

How awesome is that!?!?

This site just started up and has been selling shirts for just over 2 weeks.  Because they’re so new, there are still a couple of issues with their site. I learned this, the awesome way, today. 

Quick back story: I was trying to purchase today’s shirt, which is an awesome rendition of a beer label. The beer is called ‘Hogwarts’ – Imported Muggle Ale, Dumbledortmunder Red.  HOW AWESOME IS THAT!?!

So I logged on but realized I had forgotten my password, no worries, there’s a “Forget Your Password” link, which I clicked… and clicked… and clicked… and clicked… nothing, noda, zip, zilch.

Freaking out cause I really want this shirt and it’s only available for 11 more hours I sent the following email.

To: ShirtPunch
From: Mona
HELP! Trying to order today’s shirt but can’t remember my password and the ‘Forget Your Password’ link doesn’t seem to work.
Don’t want to miss today’s AWESOME shirt! Please send password!!

Thank you,
Mona

and being awesome, Russ replied right away.

To: Mona
From: Russ at ShirtPunch
Oh no!

Well….you’re right, the password button doesn’t work. We actually don’t have a way to get your password. Believe it or not, that’s a really complicated process to allow us to do that. We can do 3 different things here:

1) You can keep trying passwords until you get in, lol
2) I can delete your account and u can remake it
3) You can make another account and use that one for today

We’ll have the password recovery in soon, but until we do, these are our only options.

I hope this helps!
Russ

… HOW AWESOME WAS THAT REPLY?? So I replied.

To: Russ
From: Mona
Russ,

Wow, that was awesomely hilarious. Out of my 3 options I think I’ll go with #3, break all the rules, and use my work email address.

thanks for the laugh,
Mona

And not to be undone Russ replied again.

To: Mona
From: Russ at ShirtPunch
hahaha

Thanks for being so understanding Mona.

When building this program, we assumed it was a simple process to put in a password recovery….boy were we wrong! It’s beyond complicated. Everything’s encrypted and so difficult to access.

We’ll get it going very shortly though!
Russ

So in closing I created a new account, was able to order my awesome shirt and now have a serious crush on Russ, sorry Hubby. 

Bookmark www.shirtpunch.com and check it everyday for AWESOMENESS!!

p.s. Just realized I used the word awesome, in its many forms, 15 times… best post ever!!

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Cease and Desist from using the J word!

Posted on November 8, 2011 by But That's For Another Blog

My blog had its 6-month anniversary last October.  I felt bad when I realized this important milestone had passed and I had done nothing to celebrate this special occasion.  So imagine my surprise that, after the realization of my forgetation, my blog was frozen…

At first I thought that I had written so much of myself into this little page that it had developed my attitude and was like “forget our anniversary, oh no you didn’t, well good luck trying to post something now!”  But no that wasn’t it… sadly, cause how cool would that have been! 

I noticed that at the top of my blog page was this sentence typed in red “WordPress has frozen your blog due to some questionable postings, please contact us immediately to resolve.”

SOME questionable postings? HA HA HA, but seriously this is serious, so I sent a reply email that they could contact me at anytime and waited.  While waiting my mind was a flurry of possible posts that got me in trouble with “the man”.

Tif: WordPress is really strict about plagiarism.

Me: Dude, I write about my life… how is that plagiarism!?!?

Tif: Okay, well they really don’t like pornography.

Me: oh

Tif: What?

Me: This could possibly be about my I almost castrated Hubby with the hammock post.

Tif: I think it’s okay to use the word castrate.

Me: Ya, well I kinda included a picture.

Tif: SHUT UP!  Why don’t I remember this!?

Me: It wasn’t Hubby!  It was a picture of an extremely attractive man on a hammock.

Tif: oh, now I remember, ya he was very attractive… and naked if I recall correctly.

Me: But his hand was resting on “it” so you really can’t see anything, so that’s okay right?

Tif: …

Me: I’m fucked.

Tif: Well that picture was at the bottom of the blog, maybe they didn’t see it.

Me: Ya, but remember the post I did after that one?

Tif: oh ya, you blogged about how hot the guy in the hammock was and reposted the picture.

Me: I couldn’t help it! It was a really good picture!

Tif: No, I agree, he was pretty.

Luckly WordPress got back to me pretty quickly and shed light on why I was frozen.  I wasn’t in trouble for the guy in the hammock.  I had “apparently” done something so “horrible” a law firm had contacted WordPress with a Cease and Desist order.

Okay, I’m trying to figure out how I can explain this without getting in trouble, again. I had posted a story about a block game my friend had made which resembled another block game that already exists, lets just say this block game rhymes with… Benga.  And I had titled that post “GIANT *****… that is all”.  

The letter stated the following (obviously my cease and desist was not important enough for a grammar check), “Because the this blog uses “Giant *****” to refer to a block game that is not our client’s ***** brand good, we request that you remove all use of “*****” on your website, to avoid the likelihood of public confusion and the dilution of the distinctive nature of our client’s ***** Trademark.  In the future, please consider that ***** can only be used to refer to our client’s genuine ***** Brand goods.”

Tif: Don’t do it.

Me: What?

Tif: Don’t change anything.

Me: It’s a letter from a law firm.

Tif: So? It’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.  What do these guys do, Google that word until they find it mentioned in a stupid little blog and then harass them?

Me: HEY!

Tif: You know what I mean, besides they’re only “requesting”. I say screw them, keep the blog as it is.

Me:… I can’t, I’m a wuss!  I may talk the big talkity talk, but when forced I just can’t walk the big walkity walk.

Tif: That can’t possibly be a real saying.

Me: Well it’s too late anyways.  I changed the title of the blog to GIANT BLOCK GAME… that is all.

Tif: Not as funny

Me: I know… so sue me.

Tif: ha ha

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Best Grocery Shopping Trip EVER!

Posted on November 7, 2011 by But That's For Another Blog

Hello Everyone!

Just back from a fantastic 4 day weekend.  Needed to take the time off as there were many “little” things that I had to get done.  Some of the “little” things were:
~ Get the car checked out and figure out why it refuses to go in reverse.
~ Get car’s plates updated (not to be done until car is fixed as motor vehicle place is in a messed up lot where reverse is required.)
~ Conquer Mount Holy Crap That’s A Lot Of Clothes in my closet and if time attempt to scale Yes I do Too Need That Many Shoes Peak.
~ Find out what has either died or is currently dying in my kitchen, because, despite what Hubby says, that smell is not my day old meat loaf.

So what did I actually get accomplished this week?
~ Watched the last 3 Seasons of Psych.
~ Found and ate Halloween candy Hubby had hidden from me… although touche Hubby for hiding it behind my scale… touche.
~ Spent 5 straight hours clicking the Stumble button.
~ Began the hunt to find the Awesomest Christmas gifts ever.

You're Welcome Dad

Sadly you will note that what I did and what I planned to do, don’t quite meet up.  Except the smell is gone from my kitchen! YAY! Hubby wants me to point out that I also ate all the meatloaf… I don’t see a connection.

Okay so now you’re probably asking “Mona, what about the greatest grocery shopping trip EVER?”… Excellent question! I will answer… now.

So some of my favorite ladies mentioned that there was this AMAZING wine tasting going on at a local grocery store on Saturday and, since I had pretty much not seen daylight since Wednesday, I thought I should get out and go… but I was confused, who does wine tastings at a grocery store?

Me: Who does a wine tasting at a grocery store?

Sheri: You don’t understand, it’s not only wine! It’s wine, beer, food, soda, TONS of stuff!

Susan: Apparently they do this once a year and it’s all FREE!  I really wanna go, you game?

Me: Sure where’s it at?

Sheri: … Cedar Hills

Me: WHAT!?!? WESTSIDE?!?! NO WAY, I’M OUT!

Sheri: Oh come on, it’s not that far.

Me: Susan you’re an Eastsider, are you driving?

Susan: No, I was hoping to get a ride with you.

Some of you may be confused, allow me to clarify why Sheri is CRAZY with her request. 

Portland is divided by a river and everything on the west side is Westsiderboringville and everything on the east side is EastsiderAWESOMENESS!  And because Westsiderboringville has Nike and Intel on its side the traffic can get redonkulous… okay everybody clear?  Good.

Me: Dude I can’t drive, my car doesn’t go in reverse!

Sheri: I thought you were gonna get that fixed?

Me: I’ve been busy doing… stuff.

Susan: That’s okay we’ll just park somewhere that we can pull out of, no reversing necessary!

Me: But… you said there’s a lot of wine there… and… I don’t wanna be the designated driver.

Susan: Easy fix, let’s ask Hubby to go.

Me: HA! No way, wont work, he’s not a huge fan of wine tastings and especially wine tasting with us… you guys get huggy.

Susan: … hurtful… okay how about we just ask him to go grocery shopping with us? We’re not really lying… just kinda withholding.

Me:… oh… oh that’s good.

And it was good.  We were “shopping” for almost 3 hours, and Hubby had a fantastic time… after the shock of my complete and utter betrayal wore off.

Wine tastings on every aisle!

Hubby, Amanda, Susan, and Sheri

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Poor Hubby, He Never Saw It Coming

Posted on November 4, 2011 by But That's For Another Blog

Posted by Mona
Hubby just asked when are we having a Harry Potter marathon day… I have never been so turned on! Ladies! Who’s interested!!

Jenn I find it disturbing that you say you are turned on and then ask for your lady friends to come over! If I was turned on I’d be saying, “lady friends screw off.”

Burgandy Yes, I’m in for the Movie Marathon!!!

Mona Wow Burg! Harry Potter fan out of left field… YOU’RE IN!

Burgandy Not left field. I love those movies. And Star Wars. AND Lord of the Rings. I have the extended edition.

Mona Okay now I find Burgandy extremely attractive. Did you hear that Ashley?!? She loves LOTR!  I had to talk Ashley into reading Harry Potter and she didn’t like LOTR… Luckily she loved HP or our friendship may have ended

Ashley And I am now obsessed with HP

Sheri Haven’t read the books or watched the movies…

Mona … Oh Sheri… no

Tif  I’d come, but I can only watch the first 2.5 movies, since that’s all I’ve read 😛

Mona Tif you are dead to me!

Tif  Team Jacob!! … oh… wrong books.

Ashley Oh boy …. Run Tif run!

Mona Mother of God Tif, why, WHY!?!?

Susan Sheri & I will come as long as there is lots of wine.

Mona … Why would there not be wine? My god Susan, we’re not animals!

Susan key word LOT’S

Mona Hey there’s gonna be maybe 6 girls plus 7 movies times 2 bottles per girl per movie, you do the math… No seriously do the math, I have no idea.

Ashley And 7 movies Mona?!?

Mona Oh oops

Tif  *runs-back* Geeeez Mona, even I know there are 8 movies! *runs-away-again*

Ashley Oh snap

Mona I’ll be seeing you on Monday Tif…

Tif  Indeed you will, Mona. Indeed.You.Will.

Sheri We have to watch…8… movies…that will require a hellava Lorraine wine!

Sheri Damn…lotta…stupid phone

Ashley  We can make it fun for Susan and Sheri … everytime they say wand you take a drink. That should get you drunk in the frist 20 mins of the movie!

Sheri  I love drinking games!!

Mona  So 1 day, 6 girls, 8 movies, a hellava Lorraine of wine… poor hubby, he had no idea what he volunteered for 

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