So I was at Macy’s trying to find a replacement for my favorite bra that after years of faithful service attempted to assassinate me in it’s final hour by impaling me with its underwire.

While walking through the maze that is Macy’s, I couldn’t help but notice all the Friends and Family Sale signs that were posted at every entrance, exit, cash register, and general eye level location throughout the store.

I then remembered that I had a friend, Molly, that worked in the SFO Macy’s headquarters and decided to give her a quick, “Hey remember me, we’re friends, give me your company discount.”

As you can probably guess the texting did not go the way I had planned.

Me: HEY SEXY LADY!!!!

Molly: I have no idea who this is, but the only person I know with a Portland area code that would call me that is Mona.

Me: IT IS ME!!! I’m at Macy’s and I want in on the Friends and Family discount!!… cause ya know… we’re friends… obviously not friends that save names in their contacts… but friends none the less!!

Molly: LOL. Of course you can be in on the discount, just say you’re a friend, it’s not very exclusive.

Me: Really?? Isn’t there like a code word or something?

Molly: New England Clam Chowder

Me: NICE!

Molly: You know that I’m joking right?

Molly: It’s been a few minutes and I’m getting concerned you didn’t get that last joking text.

Me:… you’re an ass…

Molly: Please tell me you used the code word.

Me: OFCOURSE I USED THE CODE WORD!! And I totally tried to act all cool and kept saying New England Clam Chowder under my breath and winking.  The lady wasn’t sure if I was hitting on her or having a seizure.

Molly: But did you get the discount?

Me: Yes, but only after I explained to her how my “friend” is an evil ass and lied to me.  Then she said New England Clam Chowder was last weeks code and it’s Tomato Bisque this week.

Molly: Yessss! Macy’s employees are universally cool, obviously.

Me: except for one.

Molly: Harsh.